plz talk dirty to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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