I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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