We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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