I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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