New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize