Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
