hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
