Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
