the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
