I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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