I CAN MOONWALK!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
