I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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