I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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