Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
