She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
