i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
