watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
