So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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