Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
