you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
