oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
