There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
