she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
