The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
