Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
