So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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