the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
