Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
