My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
