he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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