I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
