I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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