I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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