The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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