Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize