Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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