My pussy is not your playground.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
