she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
