This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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