The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
