I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize