The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
