I just saw a hot homeless man
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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