the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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