Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was like eating out sand paper
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
