we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
