it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
