i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
being pregnant is like rehab
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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