first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just tell him i said nine months
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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