forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone signed my nipple.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.