I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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