my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Duck Duck Cougar?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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