Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
