you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
