I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize