playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
