i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
