I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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