Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
