Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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