Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?