I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize