he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he just fucked me for my cheese.