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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Aren't you in 8th grade?

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  9th, but that's not the point.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

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  You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne

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  27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks

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• (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy

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