Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy