Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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