So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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