We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida