Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
