guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
