He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i came on her dog
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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