She's JV to your varsity
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
