Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
