he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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