dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
