dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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