i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
