So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
